Hello?
Oh, hi Agnes. It's Bee. Have you heard from Susannah?No, can’t say that I have. Everything all right?Well, that’s just it. It's been days since I've heard from her, and Barney said he saw her down at the pharmacy on Thursday looking harried and out of sorts.Gee, Bee. I can’t imagine she’d be in any kind of trouble and not come calling. Let's get June on the line.
Helloooo?June, it’s Agnes and Bee. Tell us, what've you heard from Susannah?Susahhhnah? Oh Sooo-sahhhh-na. (giggles)Damnit, June. Ease off the valium! (hangs up the phone)Agnes, how ‘bout Francie? Don’t they have knitting on Mondays?
Why, yes they do, Bee! I'll get her on the line!
Hello? Francie, Agnes and Bee. Any word from Susannah?Oh, hi Ag. No, can’t say I've heard from her, but it says here in the Ledger that there’s a sale on Caldrea down at Betty’s Kitchen & Craft. Forty percent off. If I know Susannah, she’d sooner turn down a date with Bob Hope than miss a sale on kitchen cleaners.Oh, Francie, of course! (laughs) How could I forget the annual Christmas sale? And here I am carrying on like a fool! Not to worry, Bee. If I hear from Susannah, I’ll have her ring you at once. See you at the sale? Don’t you know it, Francie! Bye, now.***
Stay tuned for more on Susannah, cleaning fanatic and author of Petunia Face, as she graces us with the first installment of Bee's Stimulus Package.
25 comments:
Oh my gosh, I nearly just peed my pants.
this was hilarious. you crack me up every time lady! can't wait to see what susannah has in store!
ha.
you're pretty funny.
That was hilarious! You clever little bee!
How on earth can I follow that???
I hereby nominate The Lil Bee to host the Oscars this year because THAT was to die for.
My post to follow in about an hour. Right after I scrub my stovetop!
xo,
Susannah
Oh my gosh that is the best introduction EVER to a guest blogger. How cute!
Amazing! I can't even muster a concise sentence this early on a Monday morning :)
But can you tell me where to get June's powder blue rotary phone? -X
Hi, June? It's Beefy.
Beefyadfak;lsd?
Yeah, hon. Look, ya' got any extra valium? I'm all outta my dolls and I got Patty Duke and Bee comin' over later today. Once Bee gets into that sherry you know I'll find it hard to cope and I just can't handle it today. Patty's needling me for info and Bee dancing on the damn coffee table! What with Frank not doing so well at the agency these days, the holidays coming up...well my nerves are just shot, June. You know?
.........
June?
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Dammit!
this is the reason i so love your blog.
I absolutely adore the way your mind works.
Beefy, it's June.
Listen, I can get you just a smidgen to tide you over, but you have to promise me you won't pop it all in one sitting. Uncle Lester still talks about Thanksgiving dinner and "the cockeyed fella that was drooling like a dog in a butcher shop." I just can't afford to have another botched holiday on account of your nerves. Meet me at the cantina at half past six tomorrow evening, and use the side entrance.
8 posts I've missed and this is the one I'm focusing on. Why? Because it's brilliant.
so funny--I was getting worried there for a moment--"Susannah?!" "Susannah?!"- so you really used "method" blogging to create such angst in me :)
June...
Sorry it took awhile to get back. I passed out during As The World Turns and was busy thanking the dear lord that the house didn't go up in flames! I went out mid-ciggie! Fortunately, Maggie finished it for me while I got some zzzzz's. Pretty smart for an 8 year old, huh? Aaaaanyway...
My nerves are something you can hardly hold me accountable to as they're a natural bi-product of my failed modeling career. And Lester! He's one to talk! Francine barely needed her 18-hour with the "support" he was providing her 'round the punch bowl! The only thing worse than that was her dress! AWFUL!
I can't meet you at the cantina tomorrow! One...I'm playing Canasta with Mary Jo until 6:00, and, two...I'm not allowed in there anymore after that Sangria-induced Flamenco I pulled on the hood of Rudy Montoya's Cadillac! Meet me at Ted's Bi-way at 7:00. And, yes, use the back entrance. Just tell "Large Marge" you're with me. Okay, Kitten?
You're a pal!
;)
wow that is too cute, P.S. I love bye bye birdie..
You are such a delight. La la loved this!
ha ha! AWESOME.
Beefy,
As the World Turns? Canasta? I can't compete with that! See you at 7pm sharp. Wear your blue dickie.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
With temperatures being in the teens I can assure you...it'll be blue alright! ;)
your cleverness makes me feel a bit dull...hehe...xo
You are so funny it actually hurt:)
oh clever girl.
and, why didn't we catch the sale via Daily Candy? ;-)
This is hilarious! You are a true genius! LOVE IT!!!
Can I be June?
(I like her phone.)
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