On top of the world.

In preparation for our vacation in Miami, I did my due diligence scouting restaurants, purchasing a pretty maternity dress or two, and creating a categorized packing list for my suitcase. It was during this OCD-esque process that I made a very fortuitous discovery: Pablo and I are eligible to relax in the American Airlines Playas Lounge Admirals Club before boarding our flight in New York! Upon further investigation, I learned that Club amenities include:

• Complimentary light snacks, such as bagels with cream cheese or butter, miniature muffins, and crudite
• Flat-screen TV
• Showers

Based on this assessment and my husband's previous track record in the presence of a complimentary food station, I've outlined a schedule of sorts for Paulie, in order to make his Admirals Club experience as enjoyable as possible:

• 5:29am Arrive at Admirals Club approximately five hours prior to departure—just because you can.
• 5:31am Build a heaping dish of buttered and cream cheese bagels and miniature muffins. Sit as close to the flat-screen TV as possible without climbing inside of it. Turn on Sports Center.
• 7:01am Shower, even though you've showered just hours before.
• 7:37am Pass out from the combination of relaxing steam shower and five pounds of buttered/cheese carbohydrates sitting in your stomach.
• 9:07am Wake up startled, relieve yourself in the Admirals Club restroom, and pour a cup of coffee. Watch Sports Center on repeat for the 17th time that morning.
• 9:49am Ready yourself to be called for boarding. Since flying first class is clearly a rarity in your life, it's imperative that you head to the front of the line precisely when the words "First-class ticket-holders may now board" are bellowed through the loudspeaker, so as to flaunt your first-classiness to all fellow passengers. Even a two-minute delay could give the impression that you're not, in fact, a first-class flier, but rather an overzealous coach passenger waiting to be summoned with the rest of the herd.
• 9:51am Ask the Lounge attendant if she has a doggy bag for the complimentary breakfast station. When she does not, ask if she might have some Lox. The bagels could use a little pizazz.
  
• 9:54am Duck into the men's locker room and produce a plastic bag for soiled clothing. Your clothes are not soiled {save for a butter stain from the 5:31am feeding}, however you can use the soiled clothing bag to house three additional bagels and five mini muffins. It could be as long as 45 minutes before breakfast is served in-flight, and no first class passenger should have to wait that long to receive sustenance.
• 10:04am Board flight to Miami, settle into oversize leather chair, commence reclining and returning and reclining and returning your seat to its upright position a total of 49 times, all the while staring at wife with a shit-eating grin—just because you can.

And with that, I can't think of anything more appropriate to share than this, the theme song to Great American Hero. Check you later, kiddos. -Bee